reader’s question
Hey
I’m 28 years old and I’ve been with Sandy, who’s 27, for seven years. When we met we were both totally infatuated with each other. After five years of happiness, discounting the occasional
argument over household matters, we got married.Shortly into the marriage I made a mistake and told Sandy I didn’t love her. We had gotten into an argument and I felt a bit of the “spark” between us disappearing. I didn’t really mean what I said, and I regret it now.Afterward, Sandy seemed to keep finding attention from other guys. She would get involved in conversations with some of my
friends, or guys she knew in the past. At first I didn’t mind, until one day when we were at my friend’s house and got into an argument. Sandy told me she wanted me to leave. She also told me she was considering getting “romantic” with my friend, if you catch my drift. (My friend wouldn’t have done it, by the way.)This left me devastated. Afterward, she still talked to my friend, and once she sneaked out to hang with him, which I found out through him. Given what she had said about getting romantic with him, I kicked her out.Since then our relationship has gone back and forth. I don’t want her talking to other guys, and she thinks I should trust her and not question what she does. We have been separated for three months, and until very recently she was still considering coming back.I recently found out that Sandy went out with a guy she met on Facebook. She told me it was totally innocent, that they’re just friends, and that she just wanted to talk to someone and have fun. I don’t believe they have
kissed, but I want to quash this and move on with our lives. She is not communicating with me much anymore, and I’m sure her Interest Level is pretty low. Part of me thinks I should just give up, but I know she still loves me, and she hasn’t been fooling around with anyone else. Knowing that she’s hanging out with other guys hurts, and I’d like to figure out a way to make her interested in “us” again.Should I just accept the fact that she’s going to have some male friends and forgive her? How can I get her back into this? I’ve invested seven years, and I don’t want to give up yet.I literally just started reading your articles today, Doc. It’s funny how people flounder around in relationships without any training, especially when it’s such a huge part of our lives! I’ll definitely be purchasing your book. Thanks, and I hope you find time to reply.
doc love’s answer
Let me tell you something: If the American male would like a true aphrodisiac for his wife, it’s doing household chores. If you’d been handling 60% of the chores or just 15 to 20 minutes a day of housework, you wouldn’t have had an occasional argument. And by the way, when you say “occasional,” are you talking about twice a year, or twice a week? Arguments lower Interest Level -- especially the woman’s. What you’re saying here, Basil is actually a huge deal.
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